August Download: self-FULL-ness + nobility

NOTE: since this is a very lightly edited, channeled message, please observe that I am included as a recipient. That when I say I, I include myself. When I say you or we, I include myself. Please know I consider myself as someone in need of this teaching and not someone who is above it.

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There’s this (often subconscious) idea that floats around in spiritual communities, non-profit communities, activist communities; and this idea says:

In order to be spiritual
Or in order to be an authentic artist
Or in order to be a good activist
Or compassionate healer

In order to operate with this kind of nobility, then I must also be poor - of resources, of spirit.

We tend to put morality into one category and integrity into another category. These separations can justify things like poor boundaries, co-dependency, neediness, poverty consciousness. 

It even happens in our economy. There are non-profits for things that are deemed good with a primary goal of service, and then we have for-profits that are for doing “business.”  This economy is set up to where people who want to do good things ask for money; and people who want to make money are about doing something besides good. And so morality has been optional and relegated out of business and vice versa. Business is relegated out of noble deeds and good-heartedness.

In my yoga teaching last week, I proposed that selfish is not the opposite of selfless. SelfFULL is the opposite of SelfLESS. Or maybe they sit on a spectrum: selfish on one end. selfless on the other end. and selfFULL as that Golden Mean, the integration and truth of both ends of the spectrum. And, if we are participating in life as people with families, jobs, relationships… if we are not choosing the solitary life on the mountain, alone, only with Goddess / G-O-D… then we are here to be SelfFULL and not SelfLESS. We are here to have a self, enjoy a self. We are here to learn to have a self, and this requires learning edges. This requires a relationship with self and support of self. When we’re not practicing our self-full-ness, it puts us in a position of neediness and desperation. It can become so co-dependent because we’ve denied the self so much that it constantly needs external validation. “I’m here!” It’s screaming inside trying to get attention.

I think it actually gets toxic when we get in leadership positions and we are not living into our self-FULL-ness. It is dangerous to act as if we don’t have the needs of being on the earth, to act as if we don’t have the needs of being a self, denying the SELF the soul’s mission of having a SELF. I think it is perilous do this in leadership. For instance, we can end up with priests who sexually molest parishioners. They’re called to have a self, and they’re acting like they aren’t. So instead of reconciling the spiritual with their literal lust for life, it becomes violence. It becomes a spiritually + physically abusive with a violent power dynamic. And one component of it is they have denied themselves in a way they are obviously not called to do. 

When we are self-abusive, we are abusive and enabling to others. When we’re leaders and we need constant validation or we need everyone to know how hard of a time we’re having all the time, we’re promoting an abusive cycle. We’re denying the SELF too much, and it’s created such misery that the “teachings” become about letting other people know how miserable we are so they can feel it, identify with it or validate us. It can lead to building communities around feeling” less than.” It can create a gospel and a tribe around being miserable.

Yes, to vulnerability. Yes, to authenticity. Yes, to honesty. AND…  

Your story is a privilege to hear. There's no vulnerability without boundaries. You don't measure vulnerability by the amount of disclosure. _Brené Brown 

Other times, maybe leadership isn’t actually denying their self-full-ness, but leadership feels guilty about that. “Oh, I’m don’t make a lot of money.” This re-affirms the dichotomy between doing right and having provision. Maybe they are making a lot of money. AND… why is it so bad to make money while doing noble things and helping people? It can happen on the activist level as well.  “Oh i have to be out there yelling with my sign. Money will make me sell out and I have to stay young and poor…”

Why is Big Oil a thing? Why is Big Pharma is a thing?  Because people who don’t care about other people, people who don’t care about the planet… have A LOT of money. That’s why it’s successful. They do not give a single care about the posterboards on the street. (Note: I am all about peaceful protest, and I think it’s super important). But if there is no actual economy with actual dollars behind the activist movements, nothing will change. 

If the people who have their heart in the right place
if the people who want to save the world, 
the people who want to be generous to others, 
the people who want to uplift communities 

stay locked inside a place of poverty and poverty consciousness (and poverty consciousness can exist whether there is money or not), it will only result in a slavery or morality which can feed self-infliction, self-masochism, co-dependence, and bringing other people down to that level. 

This divide between doing good + having power only encourages a  divide in ourselves and it perpetuates a cultural lie that this is how it has to be. Yes, there have been epic instances of people  “pretending” to do good while manipulating + stealing resources. For instance, pastors on TV stealing donations. Or a mega-church movement full of privileged people building big buildings with “amazing worship bands” and group activities who don’t spend a dime on feeding the poor or paying taxes. Yes, this is insanely problematic.

It can be easy to think, “Well, I don’t want to be that so I might as well not have enough to even potentially be a candidate for that kind of error, to even be close to being accused of such a thing.” And we’re defending ourselves before we’ve even done anything.

Instead of trying to promote or defend ourselves, we can base our lives on something more powerful and trustworthy—our basic goodness. __Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

What if we just released the need to be so defensive? The need to be so proved correct? I won’t go deep into my personal examples, but I’ve been working on defending myself less the past few months; and it’s been awesome. It’s tremendously freeing. Sure, people will find shit to say about anyone. Some people are probably (likely) talking shit and mis-interpreting literally everything that came out of my mouth forever. And, to not have to defend oneself is to release other people’s reactions to being their own problem. Something akin to forgiveness. 
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I acknowledge my own privilege and my own biases. I’m a white, educated, female-identifying human being, and this has afforded me a certain level of respect + opportunity I would otherwise not have had (regardless of how much money is or is not in my bank  account).

That being said, I do know what it’s like I have $20 and that is all. It would be a Monday, pay day wasn’t until Saturday. That $20 had to last me 6 days for food  and transportation. There would be people who really needed it, someone in worse circumstances than I was. Because I like to help people, I wanted to give it to them; but I couldn’t. I didn’t have $20 to give to someone in more need than me - to help them get a  legitimate meal or a place to stay. And that felt really shitty. Really shitty. On a spiritual level, it also felt out of alignment with who I was because I didn’t have tools or resources; no one taught me the importance of just making money as an essential component and skill to being alive. Not only to keep myself alive but also to live in alignment with my values, be generous and help others. We can’t live out my full potential without having money and/or power.

And when I say money, you can insert any resource that identifies -  energy, time, attention, home, connections, etc. Are we being good with those things? Not overspending? Are we saving anything? Are we self-reliant? Do we need others to always fill in our gaps? Where can we step up into the honoring of self?

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We’re afraid of having influence. We’re afraid of money. We’re afraid of doing well because we’re afraid of being great. We’re afraid of being successful because maybe people won’t like us. Afraid we won’t be able to sustain the success or sustain the  greatness. And I’ll just go ahead and crush a bubble here: but I would say we are all called to a greatness. Whether you live into that potential in life or not, there will be people who don’t like you. You can live inauthentically, apologetically to please others, denying actual needs and wants. Either way, there will be people who don’t like you. And it doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t. Stop trying to defend. Just do right and do well. Be right and be well. People won’t like you. Others will like you. And there’s nothing you can do about it, and it doesn’t matter. 

I would even argue that if someone who is privileged in any way - and if one have access to a phone, there is a measure of privilege - that if we have privilege we are morally obligated to self-fulfill and potentiate as  much as physically possible in order to then use that fulfillment  to humbly step down and be of service to others. If we keep ourselves stuck in a place where we have just as little (or pretend to have just as little) even though we have  more opportunity, we are never going to help anyone. We will continue to feel powerless and be powerless. The people who are not humble or helpful will continue to vie for positions of power and are still going for the money. What if the people who are actually honest in their  greatness were going for that power? The world would be a different place.

We’re not helping by being serfs, beggars, peasants - whether that manifests internally, externally or both. Historically, what happened when the peasants got furious, revolted and decided to take over, rebellious against abusive leadership and tradition? A lot of bloodshed. What if the serfs had known how to be royalty? If they had known how to step into a place of power with regality + grace? What if the kings and queens had known how to be humble and of service to people who had less than they did? Likely, there would have been no need for revolution in the first place. So it’s our job to become noble kings + queens - to cultivate the humility, generosity and  service to have enough to take care of ourselves, fulfill our soul’s mission of SELF, care for those we’re responsible and help others experience their own nobility. I would say if any of these are not happening, the self it is out of balance and potentially causing harm.

We don’t serve because we are  beggars or servants. We serve because we are kings  + queens and the world is benefited and made better by our humble regality.

Gratitude gives us room to be gracious.